im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
