I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
