ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
