I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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