no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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