I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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