I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
