miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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