i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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