The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
