I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
