Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
