are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
