i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
