Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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