OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
