I look better un-naked...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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