well I can't set my house on fire every night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
