he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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