I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
