I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
