The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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