Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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