Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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