no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
