I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
