Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
