my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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