This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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