the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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