I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
