he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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