I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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