Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
