Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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