Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If that was your dad, he is hot
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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