hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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