I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
