I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
