i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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