My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
