im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
