This girl is more easily done than said...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
