Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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