I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
