No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just pee around me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
