I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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