i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
