Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
