if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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