Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
