Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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