terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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