i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
