thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
