I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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