he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
