fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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