eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
