I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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