Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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