I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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