she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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