So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
