I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
