tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
