I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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