Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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