cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
