so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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