That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Drake has all the answers
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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